I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
