Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
