I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
