Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
