If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
