Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
