I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
