Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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