You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
