____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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