i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize