I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
im on a boat
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