I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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