Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
