my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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