i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
