Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
