I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize