Do you still have your period?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
