Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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