Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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