I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize