i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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