mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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