and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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