i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
