If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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