At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
