did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
