THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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