I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
