she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
