You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
