Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
