alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
