So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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