ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
