i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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