How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize