I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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