dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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