You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
