im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
