nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
