Plan B is the new Plan A
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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