He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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