she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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