I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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