I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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