Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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