Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
