by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
