My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
