saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
