If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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