Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize