honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
