I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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