i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
