You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
