she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
